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Chance and Jamie Get reTARDY

Jamie Stroud

Notes: This is a paper I actually did for a class when I was in high school. It's unchanged from what was originally written.

Chapter 1: Stroud Checks In

This whole story starts on Wednesday, October 8th, 2003. A day these two characters may never forget. A guy named Jamie Stroud came back to one of his classes late. It all started when he got back from his bathroom break at his 4th period special ed class. As soon as he returned, a mischievous character, by the name of Chance, immediately asked to relieve himself of urine as well as all the gaca between his butt cheeks. The thing is, there was only 15 minutes left of class and he then realized that Chance can only be up to no good.

At this point, Jamie knew what he must do. It was as if he was destined. It was as if his whole life and the whole creation of the universe itself was all leading up to, and meant for this one single moment in Jamie's life. He then, instantaneously, began shouting vigorously at the top of his lungs to inform the teacher, Mrs. Krackeatorianasaurus, that he would soon accompany Chance on his journey. Unfortunately, his efforts went in vain. It seemed as though, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't get the message through to his teacher. It was as if, she just ignored this poor little tike. So then began this tremendous journey, even without the proper consent of Mrs. Krackeatorianasaurus.

Chapter 2: The Journey Begins

Chance and Jamie then went off on their quest to use the facilities. Jamie did not get a chance to fully inform Mrs. Krackeatorianasaurus of his accompaniment with Chance to help aid him throughout his quest, but that was not an issue anymore. Now they were on an adventure. An adventure to get straight to the bathroom, and then back. So Jamie and Chance were venturing forth into the wilderness, but just then, Chance received a revelation. The revelation told him that they must not go to the very near and sub-standard restroom, but instead they should venture off to the far-off little boys' room with extremely high-quality service and treatment. So then a much more difficult, yet much more satisfying chapter unfolded into the exciting quest of their long, treacherous journey.

Chapter 3: The New Quest Begins

Many seconds passed by as they walked foot after foot, yard after yard. They would chat to pass by time. They even talked about each others wangs and agreed that Chance, did indeed, have a bigger one. The time flew by and eventually, after 5 grueling minutes, they had reached their final destination, the bathroom. And by golly, it was everything that they had imagined. It was as if God had given a little slice of heaven only to Jamie and Chance and placed it directly in their hands. The world was now their chorizo, but Chance, like a mumbo-jumbo, screwed it all up.

Chapter 4: Labor Pains

Chance sat right down, took a squat on the pot, and released all the constipated-diarrhea he had left in his butt. Yet, even after that he still had more! He pushed, he moaned, and he groaned, and inch by inch, the doody slowly started sliding out his chocolate starfish. Sweat from such torture quickly started gushing out of his pores and dropped from his chin. Jamie just stood there. He stood there as Chance tightly grasped his hand for comfort. Jamie just stared deep into his face and it became extremely disgruntled as he screamed in torture. The pain was obviously becoming too immense for any human being to withstand. About this time, Jamie realized there was nothing left he could do to help. So he left Chance to deal with his pain alone.

God was obviously displeased with Chance for going potty in his sacred land and he must have released all that is unholy within Chance's buttocks region. At about this time, the nuts on the side of his crud were forming deep wounds within Chance's anal passage, and the blood rushing out of them and dripping alongside the crack of his gluteus maximus was flowing too greatly. The loss of blood was too much for him and he then vaguely passed out and drifted into a subconscious state. Women that complain about the pain of giving birth should really try experiencing Chance's pain before they complain. Imagine this, think about squeezing a 20 pound bowling ball out of a garden hose, then add 12, multiply it by 2, and then divide it in half and it's still not as great of a pain.

Chapter 5: Jamie's on His Own

At this point in time, as Chance sat there subconscious, and Jamie was supposed to be supervising him, and time was running low on class, Jamie had nothing left to do. He had nothing left to live for. So he did the only thing he knew how to, and he took off, not only his shirt this time, but his shoes and pants as well. He started flexing in that mirror as if there was no tomorrow. He was doing all the poses he could think of. People would now walk into that once, sacred holy land of a facility, as if it were just some sort of common, worn-down bathroom. Jamie, even though he was slowly becoming emotional insane at that moment, he would not show it. He greeted the on goers, and he would continue to flex as if nothing was wrong, as if everything was okie-dokie, but everything was not okie-dokie, and at that stage in his existence he wasn't sure what to do anymore.

Jamie was so confused. Not just about Chance, but about life in general. Then at that very moment, as Jamie stood on the standy-seat toilets posing, Chance awoke from his subconscious being. Jamie, still unaware, continued flexing. Chance on the other hand, had found a new inspiration inside of himself. He was a new person. A changed man. Just then Jamie thought he heard Chance whisper something, but he figured it was just his imagination, but then those words grew louder. They said "Animals of the kingdom, plants of Mother Earth, give me your life, give your soul, to release this demon FROM OUT OF MY HOLE!!!" Jamie knew he couldn't be imagining it now. Chance was awake. And with those words of wisdom in which he spoke, he finally blasted that dooky away for good. God must have forgiven Chance for his behavior. And although that spiritual land in which Jamie and Chance had first walked on will probably never return, they were glad to be reunited once again. Or so Jamie thought...

Chapter 6: Chance's Revenge

With Jamie's sacrifice in place, causing him to go insane, you'd think Jamie's and Chance's relationship could only grow stronger from then on out. Although, that's not the way Chance felt. As soon as he finished going podadeedee, he jumped out of the stall, snatched Jamie's pants and ran out of the bathroom with them. Jamie, still somewhat immobile from being temporarily insane, quickly chased after Chance. Right as Jamie and Chance were down that hallway, the school bell rang. Many of the students started coming out of their classes only to find Jamie standing there with all of his clothes off except for his socks and boxers. He then quickly ran back to the bathroom and hid there for a while to come.

Jamie was now just waiting in the bathroom, talking, once again, to on goers, and giving them friendly advice. He was confused which, temporarily, sent him to an even higher form of insanity than the one he had previously beheld. It had been about 5 minutes before Chance finally came back with Jamie's pants, and the tardy bell for the next class had already rung. Why did Chance take Jamie's pants after all they had been through? Why is Chance's wang so much bigger than Jamie's? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? The world may never know. They never spoke of it since, and yet, their friendship has grown even stronger ever since that incident.

Chapter 7: The Glorious Resolution

Jamie and Chance both took their separate ways to get back to class. It was a long and lonely walk for the both of them, but they both knew they had to head back home some time. After awhile, they both met up back at the classroom. They just gazed so lovingly into each other's eyes, and they both knew that everything would be ok. The teacher was furiated with them and asked them both to write a book on why they came late to class. Jamie had his words with her, and then Chance said what was on his mind, and that was it. So they eventually ended up writing their books just like the teacher asked them to. Then Jamie and Chance looked at each other once more. They both knew that they would always have a little slice of heaven just between the 2 of them, and God couldn't do jack peepee about it. And they also knew that their friendship could only grown stronger from then on out.

The End!

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