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The Jesus Christ Compendium

Jamie Stroud and Jaron Stroud

Notes: This is a retired compendium where people say how they found Jesus into their lives.

Jamie Stroud: I met Jesus when I was masturbating to Stephanie from the Lazy Town show and it went to some religious commercial talking about Him. At that moment I climaxed and accepted Jesus as my Savior at the same time.

Jaron Stroud: I met Jesus when I was masturbating to Jamie Stroud masturbating to Stephanie from the Lazy Town show. He told me that I have good form Peter. I told him thanks and then accepted him as my Savior AND as my lover. And let me tell you, he makes a far better lover than Savior. And let's just say that I savored the flavor of the Savior. The King of Kings??? More like the King of double backhanded-fisting lololol

Jamie Stroud: I met Jesus when I went to church for the first time... and the pastor forced me to suck him off and he had the image of Jesus shaved into his pubes. (At the time I didn't see it as forcing, I saw it as initiating.) I then tried to mumble for Jesus to be my Savior but it was rather difficult to do while choking on some pastor's monster cock. I hope Jesus understands.

Jaron Stroud: I first met Jesus at a bar. He was drunk and emotional and kept nagging about how his dad never loved him. He said something about his dad choosing the whole world over him and just left him on some wood cross to die. All Jesus wanted was for his father to love him but instead his father just gave up on him and let him die for no good reason. I got bored of his yapping so I slipped a roofie into his drink and dressed Jesus up as an alabaster pool man and talked to his limp body about how he puts too much chlorine in the pool and it burns my eyes if I swim too long. Once he came to, I dropped him off at a gas station with his pants at his ankles. Jesus walked home and was so distraught with his life that he didn't even have the dignity to pull his pants back up. The cops found him a short while later and drove him home but didn't give him a ticket because he didn't do anything illegal. At that moment in time, Jesus finally decided to do something with his life. 3 months later, suicide finally took his life.

Jamie Stroud: I first met Jesus at a strip joint. He got kicked out for groping the ladies and for walking around with his wiener constantly tucked between his legs to try to appear more humble (which is illegal in some states). But once Jesus flew up onto the stage and turned the pole into a snake and transformed everyone's beer into protein supplements, that's when the manager had enough and sent Jesus to jail. I visited Jesus every Sunday, but he got mad at me because he said I'm supposed to rest on Sundays, not visit outlaws. I then hacked into the jail's computer system and traveled across virtual reality to warp myself directly into Jesus's bum hole that way I could stimulate the Messiah's prostate gland 24/6 (he won't let me on Sundays) which I'm sure is a righteous act unto God and all of His chosen people.


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