Notes: This is a paper I actually did for a class when I was in high school. It's been unchanged from when I originally wrote it.
This whole story starts out on a school-day in the year of 2002. Jamie had just been dropped off on such a vivid and luxurious morning at the proud and noble school known as Clovis East. This morning looked especially beautiful today. Birds were falling dead from the sky due to air pollution, the drafting building had just caught on fire, and a character with ADHD, by the name of Josh Schmellson, had just laid a fresh doody from out of his pooper-dooper straight onto the amphitheatre. Who could feel sad on such a wonderful day as this?
Now Jamie was into a deep conversation with Josh Schmellson as to how Spongebob's comedic power will one day corrupt us all. Then all of a sudden, a mischievous character, by the name of Derrick Bouve, had invited Jamie Stroud to go ditch with him. Jamie wondered why someone would want to play hooky on such a beautiful day. He also knew that he was a good boy, and getting an education was important. Then he figured out Derrick must've had some kind of secret scheme behind his sick and twisted plan, so Jamie decided to tag along with him.
This was the very first time Jamie had ever ditched, and he didn't exactly know how to do it. So he then discussed it over with Derrick and they figured out how they must go about it. They then, like a bolt of lightning, ripped off all of their clothes and went streaking out of the school butt-naked. Derrick's ding-a-ling would whack him across the face with every step he took because it was so long. While Jamie's just seemed to hang in inside all day, only coming out to say hi on special occasions. They ducked past all the security cameras and they would hide away from all of the security guards, and eventually they made their way out of that wonderful school. Even to this day, it's hard for me to believe that they got away with that stunt.
So now they were on a mission to get straight to Derrick's house. Jamie wondered what they would be doing there, but he knew it must be fun. He didn't question Derrick. He just had faith, and he believed in him. He believed in him as if he was God. And at that very moment, Jamie did believe he was God. He thought to himself, "No other human being brought into this world could be quite as perfect as Derrick." So he then figured that Derrick must've come down from heaven above just to please people, and bring forth happiness into the nation. Derrick then scratched his bum so sufficely, that it definitely could be no other than the Lord himself. No other flawed being could have scratched himself with such precision and accuracy as did Derrick. Then he rippled a gasling hook from out of where the good Lord split himself. This amazed Jamie and made him wonder why he didn't realize all of this when he had first met Derrick. Although, Jamie just kept it to himself. He did not want to spoil Derrick's secret identity as God, but he knew that his life from that moment on could never be the same.
Many days passed by as they were walking to Derrick's house. Although, they were getting very near. Just then, Jamie was confronted by his mom's jerkoid friend who drove by in a car. She shouted at them, "What the heck are you guys doing out of school!" Then Jamie replied, "Shut up you old fart! I'll blast diarrhea chunks in your face for all I care!" She then drove off angrily and crashed straight into a telephone pole. She was too furious to concentrate while she was driving I guess. Then they just peered into the car, and from the looks of her badly beaten and bloody body she must've been dead. So they just continued to walk happily to Derrick's house as if nothing had happened.
Now they were just mere minutes away from their final destination. Although, they were extremely hungry and about ready to starve from starvation and die. They could not go on a single minute longer without food or they would die. So they went crawling into the nearest gas station for any food or drinks they could get their hands on. Unfortunately, the pleasant Hindu sales clerk and the soda jerker would not sale them anything. Apparently, they had a "no shirts, no shoes, no service" policy, and Jamie and Derrick were still naked from when they had stripped off all of their clothes at school. So Jamie and Derrick jumped straight up onto their desk and gave them the best nude dance show they had ever seen. Their ding-a-lings were flying all over the place. Derrick's would whack everyone across the face every time he did the helicopter with his gimungo thingy. After that they were given all the food and drinks they could ever want at that store. So they then finished up eating and walked straight across the street to arrive at Derrick's house.
Finally, they were at Derrick's house. Although, Jamie was confused. He wondered why Derrick would bring him to this worn down ramshackle of a house. The ceiling was caving in, there were stains of dog doodie on the walls, and the toilet had over filled and flooded the house with poops and peeps yo. So they walked straight into Derrick's room and they finally put some clothes back on.
Then Jamie turned on the TV as Derrick went to go run some errands. When Derrick finally returned, he had his winky hanging out and he said, "What have I told you about this!" As he gasped for air. He was going crazy. Then Jamie became freaked out and started running for the door. Derrick just chased after him like a madman. Drool was running out of his mouth and arteries were popping out all over his eyes. Eventually, Jamie finally made it out that door. He was safe, but Jamie wondered what would drive Derrick to go insane like that. Although, he knew one thing's for sure. No God could act in such a way, so Jamie then became depressed. He truly believed that Derrick must have been God. So now that Jamie had nothing left to believe in, he started walking home.
Jamie walked all the way home by himself. He got there right before his mom got home too. So he thought he got clean away with ditching. Well, in the name of Schmitty Werben Yaeger Manjenson, he was wrong. It turned out that his mom's friend didn't die in that car accident. She just had 4 concussions, 20 broken bones, and had passed out for 3 days. When she finally woke up she was just barely hanging on within an inch of her life. She was slowly bleeding to death so she called the hospital and was brought into the emergency room. When asked what happened, she could barely speak. Her last words were, "Jamie... and Derrick... ditched... school." Then she passed out, went into a coma, and she's been that way ever since. So both Jamie and Derrick got caught for their evil deeds.
Jamie was still wondering why Derrick had him ditch with him. They didn't go or do anything special like Jamie thought they would've. And he couldn't figure out why Derrick was acting so weird at his house. He could've sworn that Derrick was God almighty himself. But just then he knew exactly why. He had figured everything out. "God has an ultimate plan for everything", Jamie thought to himself. And he has a much higher understanding of the world's situation than anyone could ever know. So Jamie knew that Derrick did have a purpose for them ditching, acting so crazy, and getting Jamie out of the house. Jamie now knew for sure, that Derrick Bouve was, indeed, God himself, and that one day they will soon be reunited. But for now, Jamie had to keep it all a secret. It was his destiny, his honor, his responsibility, and yet, it was his curse. Fortunately for Jamie, he had another exciting and wonderful day of school ahead of him. Now he would always know that God would always be watching over him. And Jamie could always take a little comfort in knowing that.
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