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Astronaut

Jamie Stroud

I remember when I was in kindergarten. My teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I told her I wanted to be an astronaut! She said I'd better go to college and study extra hard if I want to be an astronaut. I told her the only thing I like to study extra hard is my cock, now shut your mouth Misses Bell! But she just wouldn't stop talking, and there was only 1 logical way I could think of at that age to get her to shut up, so I shoved my cock down her throat. "I may be a little kid in appearance Misses Bell, but I'm a grown man in the sack!" I yelled at her. Finally, she was too busy gagging on my wangz0rZ to speak back to me. Unfortunately, I had to go to court for that. They tried me as an adult, because even if I was a little kid in appearance, I was a grown man in the sack. So instead of going to juvy, I got sent to prison with the big dogs, wuff wuff! I got gang banged in prison multiple times and I bet I liked it! It may have seemed like they were forcing me, but really I was letting them. Because deep down inside my heart (and me bum) I enjoyed it, but I have too much pride to admit it. A hot chick lawyer who was doing probono work offered to help me with my case. I told her I'd much rather her do some proboner work with me instead. So we bumped yummies together and afterwards she appealed to the court saying that I was indeed still a child in the sack. I think we all know it was a lie, but my case won so I got out of prison at the ripe age of 6 years and 9 months old.

Once I got back home, going to college seemed like too much work to become an astronaut so I just bought myself a space ship. I went to planet Mercury and hooked up with some alien hot chicks. Their bodies were out of this world! Also, the alien dudes had 2 winky doodler manjensons. When I asked them about that, they replied, "Gloop gleep boop zork." which meant, "Dude, where do you think the saying "2 hands for 2 glans" came from!? I mean, why do you humans have 2 gonads but only 1 humper? It just doesn't make sense!" At that point, I knew I had to save humanity! No longer should men have to go on with only 1 schlyborg! I studied the male alien sex organs very thouroughly and I mean very thouroughly if you know what I mean. Eventually, I understood their DNA and sex organ structure well enough so that I was able to clone their wieners and have them transplanted onto human males while retaining full functionability. Now men wouldn't have to waste their precious energy by using their second hand for monotonous tasks such as playing with their gonads or fondling a hot chick's boobs. Around this same time, a well intentioned man named Jaron invented the tripple sided dildo. These seemed like such righteous acts we had begotten unto society, but it had 1 major flaw. Nobody wanted to reproduce anymore. Men just wanted to play wienie wars with their 2 wieners all day, and women just wanted to tripple penetrate themselves all day. No one wanted to have sex with each other. And so, self gratification became the downfall of society... Jaron and I went down in the history books as the creators of all things good in life as well as the destroyers of humanity!


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